Hair...where bald may be a better option

Rapunzel in the flesh...

At an airport over this weekend, I saw this woman.  Her hair, while braided, was literally down to her knees.  Now, not only do I think this is disgusting, but additionally, I just get the overwhelming feeling of "why??"  Why have hair this long?  All you can do is braid it.  If you wear it any other way, it probably looks nasty.  So basically, you are buying 4x as much shampoo and conditioner and carrying around the extra weight and for what?  So that people can make fun of you when they see you on the street?  I mean if you are severely poor, or trapped in a tower, I could understand this, but this woman, clearly has money, as she is flying and for that same reason, I can see she is not trapped in a tower.  So ya...I'm just not getting it.  Sorry.

Crisp Cracker Soup Bowl

I seriously think this idea is genius!!

Dumbasses with exotic pets...

Did you ever notice how having a wild animal as a house-hold pet and/or life companion always turns out to be a terrible choice in the end?  We’ve all seen it.  The Connecticut who literally got her face ripped off by her friend Sandy’s son…I mean pet Chimpanzee, Travis. I mean seriously, Sandy had a tough life, having had both her husband and daughter pass away, leaving her all alone, but to say that Travis “couldn’t have been more her son if she gave birth to him…” is a bit extreme.  There is a thin line between sanity and insanity, and when you start giving you pet/son chimp Xanax, wine and filet minion…and even let him sleep in your bed with you…I think it’s safe to say that the line has sufficiently been crossed.  And after I heard that Travis not only liked to ride in the car, but was known to “take the car out for a spin on his own” I’d go as far to say that the line was nothing by a dot to her, she was so far crossed it!

Sandy and Travis, during a simpler time

Then we’ve got this asshole…she shares her home with 11 cats – four cheetahs, five lions and two tigers.  Didn’t she learn anything from Siegfried and Roy?  This woman is outnumbered by 11 quick moving stealthy carnivores that she lets roam free in her house at all hours of the day and night.  If she honestly thinks for one second that she’s safe, she’s a nut job!  I have to say, this is even more horrendous than the monkey lady!  Doesn’t she know that cheetahs can run like 75 mph and basically have talons that could rip her to sheds at the drop of a dime?  

yea, I'd definitely let a cheetah w 2 inch claws rest it's paw on my neck...

Of course there are plenty more morons out there that wouldn’t think twice about  taking in an anteater, mongoose or pot-bellied pig, but unfortunately, there’s just not enough time in the day to talk about their stupidity and obviation. 

You know you've been a waitress if...

So from 2005-2010 I worked in a lovely restaurant, which has since then closed.  Because of this experience, I would consider myself extra polite when dining out, not because I was brought up that way (which I was), but because I know exactly how it feels to be the one bringing out the food.  I’ve compiled a list of people that probably shouldn’t be allowed to dine out.  Although I’m sure there are many more groups of people that should be added to this list, here’s a few off the top of my head that have been irritating me for years. Please feel free to add.

• Cheeri-NOOO’s:  People who bring cheerios for their kids that end up ground into the carpet EVERYWHERE.  It’s worse when they offer to clean it up themselves because you know they are only saying it to be nice, but once, just once, I would have liked to have said “oh that would be great! I’ll go grab the dustpan for you!”
• Trickers:  People who ask for one thing, but really want something else:  see examples below:
  • Water with no ice, then proceed to complain that the water is warm.  Yea, no sh*t its warm, you asked for water with no ice, what were you expecting!
  • Well done steak but then complain that it’s dry, or conversely a rare or medium rare steak but complain its bloody…do you know what you ordered?
  • Ceasar Salad with ranch dressing.  Gotta love those people.
• Gluten full’s:  When you go to a table and the first thing the guest says is “Can we have some bread”.  Since they have asked before you could even introduce yourself, you mind as well bring them 2 loaves to start and be prepared to bring at least 2 more before the end of the meal.
• Cheap-o’s:  People who ask if the water is free, if the bread is free and then continue to ask the prices on everything else as they are ordering (even though they are holding a menu)
• Juvenile Eaters:  aka Adults who order off the children’s menu because “they aren’t very hungry”.  Ok, the rule is 12 and under…if you aren’t hungry, don’t go out to eat!  How simple is that concept!
• Game Players:  People that play games with the salt, pepper, sugar, splenda, sweet n low or equal.  These games could consist of anything from mixing up all the sugars to loosening the tops of the salt/pepper.  I’m only going to say this once…it’s not funny.
• Rude:  Any statement that starts with “Let me get a…” Come on people, where did manners go?! Let ME get a PLEASE!
• Invisibles:  People that do not look up at you…at all.  Not when they are ordering or at any other time during their visit.  They are too busy looking at the menu, talking on their cell phone, arguing with other people at the table, or frankly, just looking down, avoiding eye contact at all costs…what’s the deal here?  Do you have 3 eyes or something?
• Complainers: People who complain that they did not like their food after they have eaten over half (if not all) of it.  Come on!  If you don’t like your food, let me know at the 1^st, 2^nd or 3^rd check-back…don’t wait until the end of the meal.  You think you’re getting a free dinner?  No way, sucka…this ain’t my first rodeo.
• Party Goers:  People that come in for a party, but can’t quite get it together.  Being fashionably late is NOT ok for a chain restaurant where your “party” takes up a server’s whole section, resulting in the server standing around waiting for an hour, until of course everyone is there and everyone is in a huge rush! Which leads me to…
• Cakers:  If you go to a restaurant and want dessert, BUY DESSERT.  If you’d like to eat your own dessert, eat it at home, or in the parking lot or in your car.  I really don’t care, but don’t come in, ask if we can store your food for you while you eat and then bring it out for you later.
• Coupon Whores:  People who split the check 40 different ways for the sole purpose of using 40 different coupons.
• Camels: People who need more than 2 refills….how much do you really need to drink in one meal?  And even a better question:  where are you storing all of this liquid?
• Night Owls:  The couple that comes in literally 2.5 minutes before the restaurant closes.  I think this one explains itself, but just to be clear…all tables are wiped, floor is clean, shelves are stocked and kitchen is put away, but now because Jack and Jill here want an appetizer, salad, entrée and OF COURSE desert, you are stuck there for another hour, at least!

Facebook: Private Thoughts in a Public World

So, as we all know, Facebook is not only a place to keep in touch with friends, but also a place to waste countless hours that you use to study, work or even watch TV.   Furthermore, it’s the best place to keep tabs on people you were friends with for a month in the 9^th grade, met one time at party in college or even the occasional person you can’t put a finger on how you met or where they are from, but you still keep them on your friends list because they post a lot of pictures or are generally not too annoying.
Anyways...I think one of the best things about Facebook is the overabundance of information...and moreover the shocking confessions that people reveal.   Some people like to write cryptic status updates, others use quotes from movies, or more popularly songs, and the boldest of this group just come out and say whatever it is that is bothering them or on their mind.  Regardless as to their revelation method, the point gets across just the same…and if it’s not completely clear by one status update, generally, its fairly easy to figure out but looking back on prior status updates, checking out pictures or talking to someone who knows someone else.
I’m going to lay out on the table here that I’m totally for this raw feed of emotion.  Quite frankly, it entertains me and many times gives me something to talk about with my friends over a few drinks.  People may deny feeling this way, but they are only lying to themselves.  What I think is hilarious about this whole situation is that these same people who are constantly updating their status with every detail of their life occasionally have what I like to call “The Break Down”.  The Break Down happens after the particular person realizes that people are talking about them and the result of The Break Down is usually a status like “why can’t people just mind their own business” or “everyone should just worry about themselves”.  These people post this as though they did not openly share their lives with everyone else.  Some of these characters really have a lot going on and in my opinion should have saved it for their autobiography instead of giving it all away for free, ya know what I mean?

Good Kitty...

Cats Suck

When I was a little kid, I used to LOVE cats, but as I got older and realized that they really don't bring much (if anything at all) to the table.  I mean seriously, they are a cuddly pet that hates to be touched, and in many instances will actually lash out at your if you try to do so.  Plus, what is the point of owning a cat?  its not like they do anything cool.  Although, I did meet a cat once that played fetch, but even he only liked to be pet on his own terms.  They definitely aren't a companion of any kind.  You cant take them anywhere or do anything with them outside of the confines of your home.  Maybe cat lovers are just bored and have too much time on their hands so they purchase, or even crazier-adopt, something to keep them occupied.  If you ask me, cats are more trouble than they are worth.  You feed them, they shit in a box for YOU to clean up.  They come rub against your leg, but when you bend over to pet them they run away.  If they do come close enough for you to touch them, you can sometimes get a good petting in, but then out of no where they scratch or bite you (I have a scar through my eyebrow that proves this one).

Although, I still think cats are pretty lame and I would still not want to have one living in my home, I have recently had a slight change of heart in some situations because of my daily funny cat photos on Google.  These pictures are hilarious and literally make me laugh out loud on a daily basis.  I also recently saw this video of cats playing patty cake, which was also pretty funny.